I have always been short. I’ve been measured many times and have ranged anywhere from 5 feet 1/4 inch to a high of 5 feet 1 inch. I don’t know why there was such a span, but I attribute it to poor vision on the part of some of the individuals who measured me. I was always ecstatic when I thought I was 5 feet 1 inch. It made me feel tall!
However, life marches on, and the inches are dropping by the wayside as my body moves toward making me look like a pancake with legs. We seem to not only get shorter but wider. Let’s face it, when you lose height, the flesh has to go somewhere, and unfortunately it seems to go to your waist. I am now vertically challenged.
Oh, I know there are other short people, and there is always someone really tall who lets me know their plight is just as hard. Well, I sure would like to get the chance to experience their problem. Being short and having to buy clothing can be a real trial by fire. Try buying a pair of pants. When they’re done being tailored, you also have a pair of shorts from the leftover material. That might sound like a good thing, but not when the pants are tapered. Blouses and jackets are always too long as are the arms. I was ecstatic when the new three-quarter-length sleeves came out, but they’re just a tad bit too short to look right. In fact, they make you look like you went to a seamstress that might have had a grudge against you.
Of course there is always the possibility that I could go to a store that sells petite clothing. But I am not petite. I have the body of a mature woman trapped in a small space. I am endowed with a “full figure.” I always hated that expression when I went shopping with my mother or grandmother. I was sure I was not going to follow in their footsteps because I was much more invested in staying in shape. Be careful what you rail against, because you just might eat your words. I have now become their clone.
The rational mind when it’s engaged knows that there is nothing we can do about certain issues. I cannot make myself taller, in fact I know for a fact that as I age I will continue to get shorter, but then so will everyone around me. The only problem is that most of the people I know started out being taller. I just have to keep my sense of humor intact, and to remember that I’m a short person who thinks tall!
Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth, Mass. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth, MA 02360. Visit her website at www.stressed.com.