Divorce is something that everybody talks about — except the people who are going through it.
“I think that’s the saddest thing in Pittsburg,” said counselor Monica Thornburg. “I’ve never lived in another community where people have been so secretive about something that’s so public. Everybody knows when someone is getting divorced, but people isolate themselves.”
That’s especially unfortunate, she said, because talking through the pain and issues can lead to healing. Thornburg facilitates DivorceCare, a weekly seminar and support group for those who are separated or divorced.
A new session of DivorceCare will be offered from 6 to 8 p.m. Oct. 1, 8, 15, 22 and 29, Nov. 5, 12 and 19, Dec. 3, 10 and 17, and Jan. 7 and 14 at the First Church of the Nazarene.
Dinner and childcare are available. Cost is $20, for the workbook, and registrations can be made by calling 231-0658.
Thornburg herself has been divorced.
“I don’t think anyone who has not been through divorce can lead a program like this,” she said. “I know what it feels like to be abandoned, rejected, thrown away.”
It was 11 years ago, in September 1997, that Thornburg went to her first DivorceCare meeting while living in Canada.
“I know that it can be hard to take that first step,” she said. “I sat outside in my car for 20 minutes before I could go inside.”
Mike Carpenter has been through Thornburg’s DivorceCare program three times — three times for himself, and the third as a support to help out others.
Unfortunately, he’s something of a rarity.
“DivorceCare is not just for women, but generally only one out of five persons attending is a man,” Thornburg said. “We have a culture that doesn’t think men should have this struggle.”
He wishes more men, and women, would attend.
“I think the program has a great place for a lot of people who should be there and aren’t,” he said. “People try to take it on themselves, but it sure helps to have some help. No matter what the circumstances of the divorce are, there’s a whole warehouse of emotions that aren’t being sorted through, and they can be destructive.”
For example, Carpenter said, those going through divorce often feel like they’re stranded alone on an island, or branded.
“We feel that we’re being looked at differently by friends, associates and family, and maybe we are,” he said. “People feel you are a failure, even if they’ve been divorced themselves. DivorceCare lets us know that we are not alone.”
Society is geared for couples, which is why Thornburg has added one session on successful singlehood. She also asks those going through the program to refrain from starting a new romantic relationship during this time.
“We’re always looking for someone to complete us, but you will never find another human to complete you,” Thornburg said. “You have to be complete to love another person in a healthy way, and the only one who can complete you is God. A lot of men are addicted to women, and a lot of women are addicted to men. They can just be friends.”
She regrets that there aren’t more places and activities for singles.
“A lot of people start going to bars,” Thornburg said. “I tell them that if they’re getting out of a bad relationship, they won’t find a good one there.”
She used to end the DivorceCare program before Christmas, but now starts it later in the fall so that it can continue through the holiday season.
“Christmas is the most difficult holiday, and January is one of the most depressed months of the year,” Thornburg said.
Each class meeting includes a videotaped seminar by nationally recognized experts on subjects such as facing anger, depression and loneliness, financial survival, child care, forgiveness, reconciliation and growing closer to God.
Thornburg uses prayer and scriptures to promote healing and comfort, but stressed that the program is nondenominational and open to all.
“It’s also totally confidential,” she added. “Nothing leaves the room. This is a safe place to talk and face your emotions.”
“The first few sessions may be difficult, but this very quickly becomes a place of refuge,” Carpenter said. “I think anybody going through a divorce can benefit from this program. Divorce means that a marriage has failed, but it does not mean that either person has less human value, or that you’re not loved by God.”
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Divorce is something that everybody talks about — except the people who are going through it.
“I think that’s the saddest thing in Pittsburg,” said counselor Monica Thornburg. “I’ve never lived in another community where people have been so secretive about something that’s so public. Everybody knows when someone is getting divorced, but people isolate themselves.”
That’s especially unfortunate, she said, because talking through the pain and issues can lead to healing. Thornburg facilitates DivorceCare, a weekly seminar and support group for those who are separated or divorced.
A new session of DivorceCare will be offered from 6 to 8 p.m. Oct. 1, 8, 15, 22 and 29, Nov. 5, 12 and 19, Dec. 3, 10 and 17, and Jan. 7 and 14 at the First Church of the Nazarene.
Dinner and childcare are available. Cost is $20, for the workbook, and registrations can be made by calling 231-0658.
Thornburg herself has been divorced.
“I don’t think anyone who has not been through divorce can lead a program like this,” she said. “I know what it feels like to be abandoned, rejected, thrown away.”
It was 11 years ago, in September 1997, that Thornburg went to her first DivorceCare meeting while living in Canada.
“I know that it can be hard to take that first step,” she said. “I sat outside in my car for 20 minutes before I could go inside.”
Mike Carpenter has been through Thornburg’s DivorceCare program three times — three times for himself, and the third as a support to help out others.
Unfortunately, he’s something of a rarity.
“DivorceCare is not just for women, but generally only one out of five persons attending is a man,” Thornburg said. “We have a culture that doesn’t think men should have this struggle.”
He wishes more men, and women, would attend.
“I think the program has a great place for a lot of people who should be there and aren’t,” he said. “People try to take it on themselves, but it sure helps to have some help. No matter what the circumstances of the divorce are, there’s a whole warehouse of emotions that aren’t being sorted through, and they can be destructive.”
For example, Carpenter said, those going through divorce often feel like they’re stranded alone on an island, or branded.
“We feel that we’re being looked at differently by friends, associates and family, and maybe we are,” he said. “People feel you are a failure, even if they’ve been divorced themselves. DivorceCare lets us know that we are not alone.”
Society is geared for couples, which is why Thornburg has added one session on successful singlehood. She also asks those going through the program to refrain from starting a new romantic relationship during this time.
“We’re always looking for someone to complete us, but you will never find another human to complete you,” Thornburg said. “You have to be complete to love another person in a healthy way, and the only one who can complete you is God. A lot of men are addicted to women, and a lot of women are addicted to men. They can just be friends.”
She regrets that there aren’t more places and activities for singles.
“A lot of people start going to bars,” Thornburg said. “I tell them that if they’re getting out of a bad relationship, they won’t find a good one there.”
She used to end the DivorceCare program before Christmas, but now starts it later in the fall so that it can continue through the holiday season.
“Christmas is the most difficult holiday, and January is one of the most depressed months of the year,” Thornburg said.
Each class meeting includes a videotaped seminar by nationally recognized experts on subjects such as facing anger, depression and loneliness, financial survival, child care, forgiveness, reconciliation and growing closer to God.
Thornburg uses prayer and scriptures to promote healing and comfort, but stressed that the program is nondenominational and open to all.
“It’s also totally confidential,” she added. “Nothing leaves the room. This is a safe place to talk and face your emotions.”
“The first few sessions may be difficult, but this very quickly becomes a place of refuge,” Carpenter said. “I think anybody going through a divorce can benefit from this program. Divorce means that a marriage has failed, but it does not mean that either person has less human value, or that you’re not loved by God.”
