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PITTSBURG —
The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter -- it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. — Mark Twain
For years an email has been circulating about the “Washington Post’s Mensa invitational” which includes a very clever list of words made by changing common words. Below are some from the 2012 submissions along with some pithy comments.
Pystified: pissed and mystified at the same time. This is one I feel just about every time I watch a political ad on TV lately.
Confidentilaity: secrets of the faithful. Reminds me of the Catholic boy preparing for confession having to decide which sins to share and which to keep secret.
Stopid: ceasing to be dumb. Too bad this never happens. Dumb people stay dumb. That’s why mindreaders charge them half price.
Textify: describes the only way teenagers will communicate with their church or the court system in the future. Pretty true.Goes with a term I coined a couple of years back I call textus Interruptus: when a teenager is so surprised by something in their environment that they stop in the middle of texting a friend.
Conclussion: the injury acquired when the truth hits you upside the head. This usually comes a day or two after doing something impulsive. No doubt Congressman Anthony Weiner suffered a serious conclussion after sexting a suggestive picture to a 21-year-old. Could have used a little textus interruptus.
Solidude: a guy who likes his quiet time. I can dig it. “Hey, chill out man. You’re messin with my solidude.”
Liquefly: to swat a fly in such a manner that its insides splash everywhere. Yuck. Hopefully with a flyswatter rather than your hand.
Operaytion: laser surgery. This would be done by a high power surgeon.
Unferno: Anything that is “not so hot.” Sounds like something that might be said by an Italian who is constipated and needs a suppository, aka an innuendo. Which could produce aspirations, defined as exhalations of bodily air from an opening other than the mouth.
Stinkle: what you do after eating asparagus. Parfum de asperge.
Oblication: using your vacation to visit distant family. I heard someone lamenting just last week his decision to make a two-day drive to visit family. “Sounded like a good idea at the time.”
Zenophobia: a fear of meditating. This is common, actually. One of the difficulties in meditating is dealing with the repressed thoughts and feelings that bubble up when not engaged in an activity.
The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter -- it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. — Mark Twain
For years an email has been circulating about the “Washington Post’s Mensa invitational” which includes a very clever list of words made by changing common words. Below are some from the 2012 submissions along with some pithy comments.
Pystified: pissed and mystified at the same time. This is one I feel just about every time I watch a political ad on TV lately.
Confidentilaity: secrets of the faithful. Reminds me of the Catholic boy preparing for confession having to decide which sins to share and which to keep secret.
Stopid: ceasing to be dumb. Too bad this never happens. Dumb people stay dumb. That’s why mindreaders charge them half price.
Textify: describes the only way teenagers will communicate with their church or the court system in the future. Pretty true.Goes with a term I coined a couple of years back I call textus Interruptus: when a teenager is so surprised by something in their environment that they stop in the middle of texting a friend.
Conclussion: the injury acquired when the truth hits you upside the head. This usually comes a day or two after doing something impulsive. No doubt Congressman Anthony Weiner suffered a serious conclussion after sexting a suggestive picture to a 21-year-old. Could have used a little textus interruptus.
Solidude: a guy who likes his quiet time. I can dig it. “Hey, chill out man. You’re messin with my solidude.”
Liquefly: to swat a fly in such a manner that its insides splash everywhere. Yuck. Hopefully with a flyswatter rather than your hand.
Operaytion: laser surgery. This would be done by a high power surgeon.
Unferno: Anything that is “not so hot.” Sounds like something that might be said by an Italian who is constipated and needs a suppository, aka an innuendo. Which could produce aspirations, defined as exhalations of bodily air from an opening other than the mouth.
Stinkle: what you do after eating asparagus. Parfum de asperge.
Oblication: using your vacation to visit distant family. I heard someone lamenting just last week his decision to make a two-day drive to visit family. “Sounded like a good idea at the time.”
Zenophobia: a fear of meditating. This is common, actually. One of the difficulties in meditating is dealing with the repressed thoughts and feelings that bubble up when not engaged in an activity.
Piono (pee-OH-NO): 1. the result of forgetting to open one’s fly completely in the men’s room. 2. the split second in which one realizes one is urinating but there is no sound. This brings to mind the riddle: Why is it so difficult to tell when a pterodactyl is going to the bathroom? Answer: Because the “p” is silent.
Electrickle: what’s left in the flashlight when the battery is almost dead. Could also be a low turnout at the polls on election day.
Democrazy: The frenzy that people work themselves into during the elections. How true. Especially if running for president. As Hunter S. Thompson observed, “A man on the scent of the White House is rarely rational. He is more like a beast in heat: a bull elk in the rut!“
Statusticians: Beauticians of the status quo. Those who prefer to put lipstick on a problem rather than effect any substantive change. Our Congress appears to have statusticians out the wing wang.
Meanderthal: very old person who wanders slowly and aimlessly around shopping malls. This is why there’s a four-digit code to punch in electronic door release to get out of Sunset Manor. After singing there a couple of weeks back I wondered aloud to Terry if they’d be changing it before we became residents.
Grammar: the old fashioned way your Nana talks. It is quite refreshing to hear English spoken correctly, especially without employing contractions — or using the word “like.”
Likosuction: Medical procedure that removes the fatty substance from the teenaged brain which causes the involuntary overuse of the word ‘like’. To be replaced by Grammar.
Polygon: a missing parrot. Simple. Like Euripides, rather than being a writer of tragedy in the fourth century B.C. is an accusation of the tearing fabric of a pair of pants.
Creditbard: a plastic rectangle that provides you with recitations in iambic pentameter for which you pay monthly. We hope that this bill / will give you thrill / make you so happy you holler. For as you can see / the total will be / just under one thousand dollars.
J.T. Knoll is a writer, speaker and prevention and wellness coordinator at Pittsburg State University. He also operates Knoll Training, Consulting & Counseling Services in Pittsburg. He can be reached at 231-0499 or jtknoll@swbell.net
