I was over in the Jack Overman Student Center the other day, grabbing a bite before class when I looked up and saw standing in front of me none other than my own Aunt Vidalia and her boyfriend Bum.
They had food too so I invited them to sit and join me, and they did.
I asked them what had brought them to the PSU campus and was told it was because of the PSU Veterans Memorial.
“Bum thinks the memorial is just the best thing ever,” Vidalia said as she reflexively extracted a cigarette from a pack of menthols with her cherry-sucker-red fingernails. She noticed the expression of horror spreading across my face as I realized we were in a non-smoking state building and tapped the cigarette back into the pack. That change of motion completed in the blink of an eye, she continued with what she was saying.
“I think it’s great and all, but what you really need is a music hall.” I was about to break into a spiel about the giving opportunity offered by the planned Fine and Performing Arts Center, when she added, “and a casino.” So I decided to save that bit until later.
She and Bum looked happy together, which was something of a surprise to me because the last time I’d seen them they’d been having an argument about the merits of Barack Obama versus John McCain. Aunt Vidalia, who thought Obama set the moon, had made Bum walk the breadth of Pittsburg in a pouring rain because of his support for McCain as a fellow veteran. Their visible happiness gave me the confidence to make a direct inquiry.
“The last time I saw you two,” I began, “you were fighting. Did you finally make up?”
“Finally,” Bum said, “after McCain put Sarah Palin on the ticket.”
I know that my eyes must have opened wide at hearing that. I’m a listener, always wanting to hear what a lot of people think about anything important, and I’ve been doing a lot of listening about Sarah Palin.
She’s a got no experience versus she’s got character which is more important than experience.
She’s a professional woman versus she ought to be staying at home with those five kids.
She’s a right-wing-evangelical Bible-thumper versus she’s a strong family values candidate.
I’m getting very strong viewpoints from across the board and all of it from people I respect. I was curious to hear what Aunt Vidalia had to say.
“So, Aunt Vidalia,” I asked, “why does Sarah Palin make any difference?”
“Well,” Vidalia said, as she was rubbing on the sides of her disposable lighter as if it were a magical talisman, “she reminds me of the daughter I never had.”
“How’s that, Vidalia?” I prodded.
“She’s pretty, smart, and can do anything a man can do plus give birth to five babies,” she replied. Her fondling of the lighter was becoming more insistent, but I thought I’d prod her with one more question.
“Does it bother you that she was pregnant when she got married and that her daughter is pregnant and not married?”
“Hell,” she said, and I saw her eye was casting about for an exit, “down where I’m from they don’t know you can get married without being pregnant. — Excuse me while I step out.”
Aunt Vidalia was out the door while her words were still hanging in the air. With her gone, I figured this might be a good time to get an idea of Bum’s true opinion.
“So, Bum, what do you think?”
He looked pensive for a moment before he responded.
“I’m glad that Vidalia is talking to me again,” he said. “I really missed her. That having been said I’ve got doubts. She’s only ever been a mayor of a town so small you couldn’t pass gas in it without killing half the population. Then she was the governor of a state that doesn’t really believe in government. What kind of experience is that?”
He stopped talking for a second and we both looked out the window. Vidalia was out on the sidewalk, had lit a cigarette, and was talking with one of the Gothically-attired coeds with black hair and finger nails to match. Feeling safe at having a layer of stone between him and my aunt, he continued.
“Vidalia is still going to vote for Obama but will talk to me now because she thinks that if McCain is elected, he might just fall over dead and leave Sarah Palin in charge, and I’m worried because I’m afraid she might be right.”
I wanted to be sure I understood what he was saying.
“You’re not worried because a woman would be president, are you?” I asked tentatively.
“Oh, hell no!” he said. “I go with your Aunt Vidalia, so I’m used to a woman being in charge. I’m just not sure this one could do the job.”
“So you’re going to vote for Obama?” I asked.
“No, there I am sure.”
I saw his eyes move from the window to the door and I knew our frank discussion was over. This was confirmed when I heard my aunt’s voice come over my shoulder.
“You sure have some smart students here,” she said. “I think we’re going to be leaving this country in good hands when our turn is up.”
“I hope you are right,” I said.
Bobby Winters is Assistant Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences and Professor of Mathematics at Pittsburg State University.
