As you all know, we are in a time of change and Noon Rotary is no exception.  I’ve just returned from a PETS conference in Fort Smith, Ark., an event wherein leaders of Rotary are trained in means of inflicting torture, producing mayhem, and clapping a lot even when they don’t know what they are clapping at. I’ve found this to be a useful skill at the University.


 

 


As you all know, we are in a time of change and Noon Rotary is no exception.  I’ve just returned from a PETS conference in Fort Smith, Ark., an event wherein leaders of Rotary are trained in means of inflicting torture, producing mayhem, and clapping a lot even when they don’t know what they are clapping at. I’ve found this to be a useful skill at the University.

This meeting was special as it was graced by the appearance of the new Grand Rotarian, who will be the leader of all the Rotarians in the world. If he gives the word, we must be ready either to kill or die. 

As you all know, we are in a time of change and Noon Rotary is no exception.  I’ve just returned from a PETS conference in Fort Smith, Ark., an event wherein leaders of Rotary are trained in means of inflicting torture, producing mayhem, and clapping a lot even when they don’t know what they are clapping at. I’ve found this to be a useful skill at the University.

Such men as this type are rare. Were they born into devoutly Catholic families, they might become Pope; were they born into Italian Families in New York, they might become Godfather; were they born in Hawaii (or Kenya), they might rise to be President of the United States.

This man rose to become Grand Rotarian and as such has his finger on the pulse of the world as the leader of all things Rotary.

I was there, one among a strong group from our area. April and Andy were there from the Sunrise Club, and the Man-of-Steel, who is so high-up in High Command that no one knows what he does not even him, was there as well.

April and Andy are a strong team. They are the Replacement Cog and Spare Replacement Cog, respectively, of their club. The Sunrisers require strength in leadership as has been exemplified by their current High Gear, Johnna. 

Johnna, as they say, has had a hard row to hoe as she has been besieged by members of her club who have breached the rules of absolute secrecy and told the world at large about the club’s activities, in a full-page ad in the newspaper no less. Johnna’s strength is shown in keeping the ad down to one page, as the rogue Sunrisers had wanted to fill the whole paper with one big ad. (They are publishers at heart.) When she lets go of the reins of power at year end, she will be leaving them in good hands, powerful enough to hold the Sunflower Kiwanians, their vicious counterparts from the dark side, at bay.

Meanwhile, on the noon side of the world, the High Gear of Noon Rotary has his doubts about turning over power and is spending more and more time in his quiet study stroking his Persian cat, Mr. Bigglesworth. And who can blame him for his doubts, seeing the void of leadership that is to follow.

Meeting the Grand Rotarian along with the Man of Steel, April, and Andy was special, but that sacred moment caused a security breach. It was photographed and, I am told, made its way to the newspaper. Fortunately, it has been quashed as in the background certain disturbing scenes involving the torture of Kiwanians were captured. 

Let me say that torture is not a pretty business, but it has been affective in our battle against the Kiwanis menace. You may recall we in Noon Rotary have had a war with the Kiwanis over the timing of our respective spaghetti feeds. Special torture at Guantanamo Bay — which will be all ours after its current occupants are moved to a location near you — has worked quite well for us. Our spaghetti feeds are no longer on consecutive weeks, and, in fact, I’ve not heard so much as a breath about the Kiwanis feed this year. They may have given up entirely.

Ours, by way of contrast, will be on Palm Sunday as it always has been. It will be from 11 a.m. until 1:30 p.m. as it always will be.

We are the movers and shakers. We are the leaders and the believers.

We are Noon Rotary!

Bobby Winters is Assistant Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences and Professor of Mathematics at Pittsburg State University.