We have been in a long lull in the Spaghetti Wars between the veritable Sons and Daughters of God who comprise the ranks of Noon Rotary and those, those...other people who are the constituents of Sunflower Kiwanis. It is has not been an easy peace. We in the Noon Rotary have, for the sake of peace, had to swallow a lot of pride to restrain ourselves from exterminating the Kiwanis menace like so many balding, rotund, baritone cockroaches.
But we have restrained ourselves. It is ironic that we show our superiority in losing; our strength in refraining from the complete and utter destruction of our enema...I mean enemy.
If you don’t believe we can wield the power of destruction, ask the Sunrise Rotarians sometime about the experience they had playing us in softball. The folks on the Sunrise team had to take their shoes off to figure out how bad they’d been beaten.
There was no heat in that victory. There was no animus toward Sunrisers. But sometimes a loving parent has to take a switch to his child. This time the switch was in the form of a thirty-ish banker who’d played baseball in college. It’s just our way of saying don’t teach your grandma how to suck eggs.
That having been said, I can now say that moving away from the Spaghetti Wars is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Refraining from crushing one’s enemies into a disgusting, blood mass is a sign of strength. It was for this reason we removed ourselves from the world of Spaghetti.
Our spaghetti was immeasurably superior to everyone elses. Forget the fact that all the spaghetti served by every club in town was made by the same caterer. He did a better job for us than for everyone else because we are the best. And besides we served it. Who wouldn’t feel better knowing they were being served by folks like us.
But those days are over. We’ve moved from Spaghetti Wars into a Pancake Peace.
Yes, we are now serving pancakes on various Saturday mornings down at Appleby’s. This was determined by a committee.
Thank goodness for committees. In their collective wisdom, they sat down and determined that the pancakes would be round. They decided that we would have butter and syrup on them.
We instituted training so that the pancakes would have the exactly correct roundness. We created a form to ensure adequate credentialing for the pancake cooks. We installed an assessment system to measure whether the appropriate pancake eating outcomes were achieved.
We made a PowerPoint presentation about it. And I think we may have even flipped a pancake or two. I don’t know.
Page 2 of 2 - We are doing this so that we may share in an activity in which the Kiwanis can also take part. The effort we put into this is somewhat ironic as we know that when the Kiwanians do this they are going to wake up in the morning and say, “Hey! Let’s make pancakes!”
Yes, that’s what we are up against.
I am cheered by the fact that the Sunflower Kiwanis has invited me to speak to their club this week. When the ill seek out a physician, when the ignorant seek out a teacher, when the clogged seek out a plumber, it is then time when progress can be made.
So I ask you to have me in your thoughts and prayers this week. I will be going into the Lion’s Den...er that’s another club...but you get my drift. I know I might wind up in a stew-pot like a missionary in Papua New Guinea, but the stakes are high. Some of the Kiwanians might just see the light.
Bobby Winters, a native of Harden City, Oklahoma, is Assistant Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences and Professor of Mathematics at Pittsburg State University. He blogs at redneckmath.blogspot.com and okieinexile.blogspot.com. You may contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.